Why the Trauma You Carry May Not Be Yours

 Why the Trauma You Carry May Not Be Yours

It’s a sobering thought: you may be carrying trauma that isn’t even yours. For many of us, the weight of emotional scars feels deeply personal, like something we’ve been carrying around for years. But what if I told you that some of that weight might not be yours to bear?

As someone deeply connected to both trauma-informed care and somatic practices, I’ve seen this truth unfold in my own life, as well as in the lives of countless others. Trauma can be passed down in ways that are often invisible, subtle, and yet profoundly impactful. This can happen through generational trauma, collective trauma, or even the emotional imprint we carry from the people closest to us.

But why is it that we sometimes feel weighed down by experiences, emotions, or patterns that seem to belong to others? Let’s dive into this fascinating and complex subject and explore why the trauma you carry might not be yours—and how to begin the process of letting it go.

Generational Trauma: The Wounds Passed Down Through Time

Generational trauma, often referred to as ancestral trauma, occurs when the emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical effects of trauma are passed down from one generation to the next. This is more than just a concept; it’s supported by research showing that epigenetic changes in the genes can be made due to the experiences of previous generations, especially those who lived through significant trauma, such as war, displacement, abuse, or systemic oppression.

As a veteran and veteran spouse, I know how the echoes of trauma from one generation can ripple through families. The effects of war trauma, PTSD, and emotional suppression may not only affect the soldier but also the family members who carry those unspoken experiences within their homes. Children, even if they haven’t directly experienced trauma, may grow up absorbing the emotional consequences of a parent’s unhealed wounds, picking up on the anxiety, fear, or sadness that is passed down.

How Generational Trauma Affects Us:

• Unseen Patterns: Behaviours, coping mechanisms, or beliefs passed down without conscious recognition.
• Emotional Imprints: Feelings of anxiety, fear, or sadness that don’t make sense or don’t have a clear origin.
• Inherited Stress: Chronic stress or burnout that feels familiar, like a constant weight, yet has no direct connection to our own life experiences.

It’s important to recognise that trauma isn’t always personal. Sometimes, we carry the emotional weight of an entire lineage. Understanding this can open up an important doorway for healing, as we begin to break the chain of inherited trauma and redefine our own narrative.

Collective Trauma: The Wounds We All Share

While generational trauma comes from our direct ancestors, collective trauma refers to the wounds that affect entire communities or societies. This type of trauma doesn’t belong to any single individual but is shared among many, often affecting people who’ve experienced historical or societal injustices.

For example, the trauma of colonisation, slavery, war, or systemic oppression has a multigenerational impact. Even if you haven’t directly experienced these events, you may still carry the emotional legacy of these experiences through cultural memory, stories, and societal conditioning. As someone with mixed heritage, I have experienced this.

As someone who’s also worked in caregiving roles and seen the effects of trauma on both a personal and societal level, I understand how collective trauma can manifest in individuals’ bodies and minds. It can feel like an emotional heaviness that doesn’t make sense, but it is, in fact, the collective burden of history.

How Collective Trauma Affects Us:

• Cultural Imprints: Anxiety, fear, and mistrust that are passed down from group experiences, like war or oppression.
• Internalised Stories: Narratives about survival and perseverance that can be difficult to let go of, even if they no longer serve us.
• Somatic Residue: Bodies and minds holding onto the emotional energy of a collective event, manifesting as chronic stress or unresolved emotional triggers.

Recognising collective trauma allows us to release the emotional weight that doesn’t belong to us, opening space for healing and growth as individuals and as a society.

Empathy and Emotional Contagion: Taking On Others' Wounds

Another reason why you may feel burdened by trauma that’s not yours has to do with empathy. As a nurse, I have spent many years connecting with people who are suffering, and it’s easy to absorb the pain of others. This is called emotional contagion, the process by which we unconsciously "catch" the emotions of the people around us, particularly those in pain.

While empathy is a gift, it can also be a double-edged sword. Over time, if you’re constantly caring for others, especially in high-stress environments or when supporting those who have experienced trauma, you can start to carry the emotional residue of their pain. This is common in caregivers, healthcare workers, and anyone who holds space for others' wounds.

How Emotional Contagion Affects Us:

• Empathic Overload: Taking on the emotional weight of others without recognising it as separate from your own.
• Compassion Fatigue: A state of emotional exhaustion that occurs when you’ve absorbed too much trauma from others.
• Difficulty Discerning: Not knowing which emotions belong to you and which ones belong to others.

This is where boundaries and self-care come into play. By developing strategies to protect our emotional space, we can continue to empathise without taking on the trauma of others.

How to Start Healing and Letting Go of Trauma That Isn’t Yours

Recognising that some of the trauma you carry may not be yours can be a liberating realisation. It opens the door to healing, allowing you to release the weight that doesn’t belong to you and make space for your own emotions and experiences. Here are a few strategies that have helped me and others in my life reclaim peace and balance:

1. Genealogy and Ancestral Healing: Explore your family’s history. Sometimes, understanding where the trauma originates can provide the first step toward healing. Consider ancestral healing practices or somatic therapies that help you release generational pain.
2. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness: Check in with yourself regularly. Ask: “Are these feelings truly mine?” Awareness is the first step toward separating your emotions from those that you’ve absorbed.
3. Grounding and Somatic Practices: Techniques like body scans, breathwork, and yoga help bring you into the present moment, allowing you to disentangle emotions that are not yours from those that are.
4. Therapeutic Support: Whether through trauma-informed therapy, somatic coaching, or group healing, working with a professional can help you navigate the deep waters of inherited and absorbed trauma.
5. Community and Connection: Sometimes, healing from collective trauma comes from being in community. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can help release what’s been carried for so long.

Reclaiming Your Peace

The trauma we carry isn’t always our own. It’s the result of the invisible threads that connect us to our ancestors, our communities, and even the people around us. But with awareness, self-compassion, and the right tools, we can begin to heal from these burdens, shedding what’s not ours, and allowing ourselves to live more fully, present in our own experiences.

As you move through your day, ask yourself: What is mine to carry? The more you uncover about the sources of your emotional weight, the easier it will be to release it, reclaim your personal power, and step into your true healing.

Remember: The trauma you carry may not be yours, but the healing is.

With love, Caron 💜