Identifying the Values That Matter to You — And How to Honour Them


Identifying the Values That Matter to You — And How to Honour Them

There comes a point in many professional lives — especially in caring professions — where the exhaustion isn’t just physical.

It’s ethical. It’s emotional. It’s the quiet ache of knowing something doesn’t quite sit right.

Often, what we call burnout is actually something more precise.

Its values strain.

When what matters to us internally is not aligned with what we are asked to tolerate externally.

And until we can name our values clearly, we cannot protect them.

Why Values Matter More Than We Think

Values are not motivational slogans. They are not laminated words on a wall.

They are the internal compass that guides how we

  • Make decisions
  • Respond under pressure
  • Lead others
  • Set boundaries
  • Sleep at night

When we act in alignment with our values, we feel steady — even in difficulty.

When we act against them repeatedly, the nervous system knows.

It registers tension. It registers a threat. It registers incongruence.

Over time, that misalignment can feel like:

  • Irritability
  • Emotional fatigue
  • Cynicism
  • Over-functioning
  • Withdrawal
  • Self-doubt
  • Loss of confidence

Not because you are weak. But because your internal compass is pulling against the direction of travel.

Signs You May Be Living Out of Alignment

You might notice:

  • You say “yes” when you mean “no”
  • You feel resentful after agreeing to things
  • You feel unusually reactive in certain conversations
  • You replay decisions in your mind long after they’ve happened
  • You feel pride in your work AND a persistent discomfort you can’t quite name

That “AND” matters.

You can love your profession AND feel strained by parts of it.

You can be competent AND feel conflicted.

You can be resilient AND still experience moral friction.

Clarity begins when we pause long enough to ask the following:

What actually matters to me?

A Short Exercise: Clarifying Your Core Values

Set aside 10–15 quiet minutes.

No phone. No noise. Just honest reflection.

Step 1: The Friction Question

Think about a recent situation that left you unsettled.

Ask yourself:

  • What felt “off”?
  • What did I wish had happened instead?
  • What principle felt compromised?

Often, the answer reveals the value underneath.

For example:

  • If you felt unheard → your value may be respect
  • If you felt rushed → your value may be care
  • If you felt silenced → your value may be voice
  • If you felt pressured to cut corners, → your value may be integrity

Write down the words that resonate.

Step 2: The Pride Question

Now think of a moment you felt proud. Not praised…

Proud.

Ask:

  • What was I embodying in that moment?
  • What quality was I living out?

Was it?

  • Compassion?
  • Courage?
  • Fairness?
  • Professionalism?
  • Advocacy?
  • Accountability?
  • Kindness?
  • Excellence?

Write those down too.

Step 3: Narrow It Down

Circle the 3–5 words that feel non-negotiable.

Not ‘nice to have', but essential.

If removed, something in you would shrink.

These are your core values.

Honouring Your Values in Real Life

Identifying values is powerful.

Living them is braver.

Here’s how to begin honouring them in practical ways:

1. Translate Values into Behaviours

Values are abstract. Behaviour is concrete.

If one of your values is integrity, what does that look like?

  • Being honest in documentation
  • Raising concerns respectfully
  • Not exaggerating outcomes

If one of your values is care, what does that look like?

  • Taking a pause before responding
  • Listening fully
  • Not normalising poor standards

Ask yourself:
“If I lived this value more visibly, what would I do differently this week?”

2. Notice Where You’re Leaking Energy

Energy drains often indicate values misalignment.

Pay attention to:

  • Meetings that leave you depleted
  • Decisions that feel heavy
  • Conversations you avoid

Ask:
“Which value feels threatened here?”

Naming it reduces the emotional fog.

3. Practice Micro-Alignment

You don’t have to resign, confront, or overhaul everything overnight.

Start small.

If your value is respect, you might

  • Speak up once instead of staying silent
  • Say, “I’m not comfortable with that approach."
  • Request clarity instead of assuming

Small acts of alignment rebuild internal trust.

And internal trust rebuilds confidence.

4. Strengthen Your Nervous System Capacity

It is harder to live your values when you are dysregulated.

Under threat, we default to survival responses:

  • Over-pleasing
  • Overworking
  • Withdrawing
  • Snapping

Values-based leadership requires nervous system steadiness.

Before difficult conversations:

  • Slow your breathing
  • Feel your feet on the ground
  • Lengthen your exhale
  • Lower your shoulders

Regulation is not a weakness. It is strategic.

5. Redefine Success

Success without alignment feels hollow.

True success feels like the following:

“I acted in a way I can stand behind.”

Even if the outcome was imperfect.

Even if not, everyone agreed.

Integrity is not about being right.

It is about being congruent.

When Upholding Values Feels Risky

Let’s be honest.

In some environments, living your values can feel unsafe.

That is real. And this is where discernment matters.

Ask yourself:

  • Is this a moment for a boundary?
  • Is this a moment for influence?
  • Is this a moment for patience?
  • Or is this a moment for departure?

Not every value misalignment requires immediate action.

But persistent violation without reflection will erode you.

Slow erosion is still erosion.

A Gentle Closing Reflection

Place your hand on your chest.

Take one steady breath.

Ask quietly:

“What kind of professional do I want to be known as?”

The words that surface are rarely about status. They are about qualities.

Those qualities are your values. And they are worth protecting.

Not loudly. Not aggressively. But consistently.

Because when you honour your values, you don’t just strengthen your leadership.

You strengthen your sense of self.

And that steadiness — in a complex, pressured world — is powerful.

With love,  Caron 💜🧭

 

 


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